I think the entire time I’m going to be disabled I’m going to rely on keeping myself motivated and keeping my mind free from thinking, “Hey, you can’t walk for the next month and a bit.”
I need to keep reading books, to keep watching the vlogbrothers, writing, watching movies, talking to people both directly and indirectly. Find something productive to do while I’m stuck. I’ve already secured some cashflow while I’m down and I still have to call work to inform them of my condition. Yes.
My panicked tweets, tumblr posts and innane chats on Facebook are all coping mechanisms. Just because I don’t want to be faced with the thought that I can’t walk. It’s all I have for the moment and it’s not much to ask is it? To be able to laugh at this for a little while and “crack” (See what I did there?) jokes about it.
I am really grateful for my family for taking care of me at this point in time. But I don’t want to wallow around in guilt, I don’t want to be hating myself because of the one incident. I want to recover at a decent amount of strength and be happy about it. I can’t do that if everyone gets annoyed at me.
If my mental state deteriorates during this point in time I will be very annoyed at myself. I need to cope with it. Sure some of them involve absolutely ignoring my condition, but at least I can be happy while I recover and heal. Seriously.